Phantom Quadrant presents:

Digital butthole with TWO limp pennies, a puffy coat, and a giant tumor on the top of his dick. I told him he had one job, and that was to make sure that Tony Romo still didn’t have the damn pucks. On the first level, I thought he’d turn around and just walk away as if he’d never seen me. This was a great opportunity to demonstrate his knowledge of how the game’s officiating system works, but he asked me how much would it cost. I didn’t tell him, but I’ll tell you now: I’d never taken a gig like this before, and I don’t think I could have answered that without bragging. So he told me what he wanted me to do: